Flirting 101
by Jedi Knight Cheeze
Summary: When Apollo asks Klavier for girl advice, Klavier decides to give him a crash course in flirting. Apollo has no idea what he's gotten himself into this time...


Outside of the courthouse, Klavier Gavin prepared to ride home on his motorcycle. He had kicked up his kickstand, put on his helmet, and was about take off, when he heard a voice calling his name.

"Hey! Hey, Prosecutor Gavin! Wait up!"

Klavier turned around to see Apollo Justice running towards him.

"Ah, Herr Forehead. Congratulations on your case."

"Thanks, but I didn't come over here to discuss it-"

"Hm? Were you needing something? Did I leave something in court?"

"No…"

"Come to deliver a message?"

"No…"

"Just couldn't get enough of me?"

"No! Listen, I need your advice on something."

"Really? Do tell, what could the great Apollo Justice possibly have to learn from me?"

"Oh, very funny. Like I want to ask for your help. Look, you seem to get a bunch of…fans, huh?"

He pointed to a gaggle of girls that stood about 20 yards away, pointing at the rock star and giggling.

Klavier smirked. "Ja…so it would seem."

"Well, how do you do it? Why do so many girls like you?"

Now Klavier flat out laughed. "Ah, Herr Forehead, you crack me up. Are you trying to ask me for girl advice?"

Apollo blushed, and glared at Klavier. "If you have to put it that way…will you help?"

Klavier closed his eyes. "It's 11:30…let's see…would I have time to…hm…"

After several seconds of pondering, Klavier opened his eyes and smirked again. "Ja, guess I should be able to show you a few of the ropes. But you gotta come with me, and you gotta trust me, too." Klavier climbed on his motorcycle. "Ok with you, Herr Forehead?"

"Huh? Can't you just tell me what to do?"

"No, I can't. That's where the trust comes in. You coming or not?"

Reluctantly, Apollo climbed on the back of Klavier's motorcycle.

"You ever ridden a bike before, Herr Forehead?" Klavier asked.

"Not this kind of bike…" Apollo replied.

Klavier smiled. "Then I suggest you brace yourself. And hold on for your dear life."

Apollo just had enough time to squeak, "My life…?" before the motorcycle sped away.

XxXxXxXxXx

"You remember this place, Herr Forehead?"

Apollo barely heard Klavier. His head was still whirling from the motorcycle ride. He blinked a few times to clear his head. "Wow," he murmured, before looking around to see what Klavier was talking about. "Oh yeah…this is People Park, right? Last time I was here, the park was empty."

"Ja…but then, it was a crime scene last time you were here."

The park was anything but empty now. Young kids flew kites and played catch in the shade of trees. Families and people walking their dogs strolled along paved paths that circled through the park. Vendors were selling ice cold drinks and ice cream. And, Apollo noted, there were also many girls enjoying the sunshine.

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick," Apollo said as an aftershock of the ride hit him. He dismounted the motorcycle and headed to a vendor. He was in the middle of buying a water to settle his stomach when he saw Klavier walking up out of the corner of his eye. He turned to him.

"Do you want a coke, Prosecutor Gavin?"

"Eh, nein."

"_Nine_?"

"It means no, Herr Forehead. Thanks anyway."

"Oh. Ok."

Apollo paid for his water, opened the bottle and took a sip. It made him feel a little bit better, and he was able to pay attention better when Klavier spoke again.

"Ok, Herr Forehead, now starts your training. Rule number one: girls love a show off. Watch this."

Klavier walked over to an empty pavilion stage. In front of the stage, a gaggle of young women stood gossiping about the day. They blushed and whispered excitedly when they saw the rock star walking towards them. Klavier winked at them, then very calmly jumped up onto the stage. There was still a microphone on the stage form a past performance, and Klavier took full advantage of it. Grinning, he began to sing. The song didn't sound familiar to Apollo, but obviously the girls had heard it, because they shouted and turned their full attention to the performance. Klavier was milking it now-prancing about on the stage like the drama king he was. When the song was over, he blew a kiss into the middle of the crowd and jumped down off the stage, walking back over to Apollo. "Your turn, Herr Forehead."

"I can't sing."

"Who said you have to sing? I said you have to show off."

"But I don't have any special skills!"

"Was ist dieses? No special skills? Everyone can do something special, ja? C'mon, what about the chords of steel you're always talking about?"

"Uh, well, those are kinda-"

"Aw, give it a shot," Klavier said, pushing Apollo towards the girls, who were still reeling over the unexpected concert. Slowly, he approached the girls, until one of them turned around a noticed him. Now they were all staring at him, waiting to see what he would do.

"Uh," he started, not sure what to do, "Uh, um…OBJECTION!" he yelled, pointer finger outstretched. All this display got was an array of dirty looks. The girls walked off, murmuring in an unpromising way. Laughter reached Apollo's ears. He turned around. Klavier was doubled over in a fit of laughter.

"Herr Forehead…that was your chords of steel? I could have told you…you would get that reaction!"

"It's not funny!"

"Ah, sorry. Maybe we should try something else, then. C'mon."

XxXxXxXxXx

About two hours later, Klavier and Apollo arrived at a cliff in a mountain range that housed one of the biggest mountains in the area, Eagle Mountain. The mountain range was a while away from the city, so it had taken them a long time to reach their destination, even by train. The cliff overlooked the Eagle River and was, according to Klavier at least, a popular spot for tourists. Apollo found this hard to believe, but he decided not to question his "teacher". As they walked up closer to the cliff, Apollo saw what made the cliff so popular. He started to back away.

"Oh no…no way in heck am I doing this!"

The cliff was a spot for bungee jumping. Men and woman strapped to harnesses were launching themselves over the edge and plummeting nearly a hundred feet to the water below, only to spring back up like a yoyo. It was idiotic and dangerous, so of course Klavier would want to do it.

"Ah, Keine Sorge, Herr Forehead, I do it all the time," Klavier said, pushing Apollo forward,"Nothing's ever happened…not counting that incident with Robert…"

"Who's Robert!?"

"Exactly."

"W-what!?"

"I'm kidding, Herr Forehead. It'll be fine, I promise. It's not like we're jumping with Mr. Wright."

"What does Mr. Wright have to do with this?"

"He never told you that story? Ah, never mind, time to move on to rule number two: girls dig the brave guys."

Minutes later, much to Apollo's dismay, he and Klavier were in full bungee jumping gear. Deaf to his protests, the workers busied themselves with preparations for the jump. And soon, the time had come. Klavier positioned himself on the cliff. Then, with many people-including several girls, Apollo noticed-watching, he threw himself off the cliff, diving down nearly a hundred feet before bouncing back up. Apollo began to back away from the cliff edge, still hoping to weasel out of jumping. But the bungee operators had other plans. A rough shove from behind knocked Apollo off balance, and he fell from the cliff, screaming all the way down. And just when it felt like he was going to crash into the river, he sprang back up, only to fall again. It went on like this until he finally came to a rest, hanging upside-down next to a laughing Klavier.

"So, how did you like your first jump?"

"Never again, Prosecutor Gavin. Never again."

XxXxXxXxXx

Apollo had had it. Not only had no girls noticed his jump-according to Klavier, his screaming hadn't exactly been heroic-but he had also gone on to flub every other activity Klavier had thrown at him. Every pickup line, every show-off sport, every last flirting technique was failed in the most humiliating ways. And every time, Klavier had just laughed and dragged him on to the next task. What was he doing wrong? Each time, he had followed Klavier's example to the letter. So why had none of it worked? Now Apollo was in a foul mood, and his expression showed it as they stopped in People Park for the second time that day.

"All right, Herr Forehead. Let's try one more thing before we call it a day."

Apollo sighed. "What are we doing this time?"

Klavier didn't answer. Instead, he grinned, took off his helmet, and placed it on Apollo's head.

Apollo looked at Klavier in amazement. "You've got to be kidding."

"Sorry if the helmet messes up that wonderful hair of yours, but safety always come first when riding a bike."

"I'm not driving your motorcycle! I'd never even been on one before today! I don't know how to work it!"

"It's just like a regular bike, only faster and more dangerous."

"You're not making a very convincing argument."

"Who's arguing?" Klavier stepped off the motorcycle.

"But-"

"C'mon, Herr Forehead, live a little! You'll never get the girl's attention if you don't!"

"Fine! I'll do it!" Apollo said, scooting up to take control of the bike. "I'm gonna die," he muttered.

"I heard that," Klavier said, smirking, "Everything will be fine. The gas is the handle on the left and the brake is the grip on the right."

"Gas left, brake right. Got it."

"Good luck then," Klavier said, saluting his friend.

Apollo tried to smile, but was sure it wasn't very convincing as the motorcycle roared off down the road. At first, it was all poor Apollo could do to keep from screaming, but as the ride went on, it grew easier. It wasn't that hard after all. Heck, it was actually kind of fun. Apollo couldn't help laughing as the wind rushed past him. For the first time that day, he was actually enjoying himself. But it didn't last long, because just then a car swerved out in front of him. Apollo swerved to avoid the oncoming vehicle, but unfortunately, that put him in the dirt on the side of the road, quickly losing control.

And that's when the tree jumped right out in front of him.

Apollo quickly pulled on the left handle to stop the bike, realizing too late that it was the right handle that had the brake, and that the left was the gas. The motorcycle slammed into the tree, throwing Apollo off it and several feet forward to land on his face. He groaned and rolled over. Nothing seemed to be broken, but his whole body ached, besides the fact that he was beyond embarrassed. So when he heard the sound of a car approaching and being put into park, he wished he could sink into the ground and disappear.

"Sir? Sir! Are you all right?"

He forced himself to look up. Coming towards him was a young woman about his own age, concern in her eyes. He groaned again. Great, now he could share his humility with this lady. That's what he'd been doing all day, after all.

"Yeah," he said, propping himself up on an elbow, "I'll be fine. It's just a flesh wound."

She giggled, which surprised him. He hadn't been trying to be funny.

"But, I saw the crash. It was pretty nasty. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Only problem is, now I'm out in the middle of the road with no means of transportation."

"Oh, I can help there! Where do you need to go?"

"People Park, if it's at all possible."

"Of course! Come on, I'll help you up."

After Apollo had been pulled to his feet and had limped to the ladies' car, the two began the drive back to the park. It wasn't a long trip, but the two managed to talk about everything. Her name was Cassie, and she was currently finishing work on her doctorate so she could begin work as a veterinarian. As the two pulled back up to People Park, Cassie parked the car and the two of them got out.

"Well, here we are," Cassie said.

"Yeah…well, it was nice meeting you," Apollo said awkwardly, "Thanks for the ride."

"Oh…you're welcome. Here," she said, holding out her hand, "I think you dropped this earlier."

Apollo looked at what was in her hand. It was a small folded up piece of paper.

"No, I don't think that's mine."

"I'm pretty sure it is. In fact, I'm one hundred percent positive."

This time Apollo took the hint, and accepted the piece of paper.

"Thanks again," he said, "for everything."

"Anytime, Mr. Justice," Cassie said, smiling. And then waving, she climbed back into her car and left. As soon as she was gone, Apollo unfolded the note and read what it said.

Cassie

945-5739

XOXO

Apollo smiled to himself, then walked off-slowly because he was still sore-to find Klavier.

XxXxXxXxXx

He found him waiting in the shade of an old oak tree, drinking a lemonade and looking around. As Apollo walked up, his brow furrowed.

"What happened, Herr Forehead? You look awful."

"I wrecked your motorcycle."

"You what?"

"Yeah, but listen! It worked! I finally got a girl to notice me! She stopped to see if I was ok after the wreck, then drove me back here. I even got her number!"

Klavier smirked. "So you finally figured it out, huh?"

"Figured what out?"

"Why you've been failing all day long."

"No, that part must have slipped by me."

Klavier laughed. "It's because you've been trying to be me all day."

Apollo raised an eyebrow. "Huh? I thought that was the point."

"No, Herr Forehead, you missed the point entirely. All day, you've been trying to act as cool as me when really you're not."

"Gee, thanks."

"Let me finish. None of my techniques worked because through all of them, you forgot to just be yourself. The way I do things will never work for you, because you're not me."

"But if that's true, then why did the motorcycle work? That's the most you thing I've done all day."

"But wrecking my poor motorcycle was the most _you _thing you've done all day, ja?"

Apollo was about to retort when he realized Klavier was right.

"I think it's about time I reveal my last and most important rule," Klavier said, continuing, "Rule number three: when interacting with girls, always act natural. In other words, just be yourself."

"You couldn't have told me that to start with?'

"No. That's a rule you have to learn for yourself." He shrugged. "All the other stuff's important too. Showing off, being brave, you gotta have it all if you're going to impress the girls. But it's all for nothing if you go around trying to be something you're not. Verstehen sie?"

"Huh?"

"Do you understand?"

"Yeah…I guess I do. Thanks, Prosecutor Gavin."

"Of course, some of us are just naturally more gifted at flirting than others," Klavier said, smirking again, "so don't feel bad about my superior skills."

Apollo laughed, despite the fact that he had just been insulted. At that moment, he didn't really mind. After all the troubles of the day, he had finally managed to learn what he had asked to know that morning. He had a number that he was definitely going to call later, and looking back, maybe the day hadn't been so bad after all. In fact, Apollo was in a very good mood when Klavier looked over at him, grinning, and said, "You know you're paying to fix my bike, right?"

* * *

**This story has been officially fixed to not violate Fanfiction's rules. It was inspired by a song, but I took the lyrics out, because it appears I'm not allowed to have them there.**

**I have discovered that Klavier is extremely fun to write about. Don't expect this to be the last time he shows up in one of my fics. WolfChibi-chan helped me come up with the joke about poor Phoenix's awful luck, hope you got it. I don't think I ended it very well…I think it sounded a bit weird, a bit hard to understand. Well, hope you got what Klavier was trying to say. I want to hear your opinions on it! Read and review!**


End file.
